


Common Sense Tells Me To Leave It All Behind

by xLoveMx



Series: Play This From The Heart [8]
Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication, they're soft but also terrible at talking to each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27820492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoveMx/pseuds/xLoveMx
Summary: Maybe they had picked the wrong place and time to have life changing conversations about their future and their relationship, but it also didn’t feel like the right conversation to have at their lockers, between first and second period.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell
Series: Play This From The Heart [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599994
Comments: 7
Kudos: 37





	Common Sense Tells Me To Leave It All Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Another part of this lovely series! Enjoy x
> 
> Playlist:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5JShF9c43w6XU5L74lbrIA

Ricky didn’t get a chance to talk to EJ after they left the whirlpool that evening, but if he was being honest, he didn’t really know what to say, anyways. It had been a problem between them for a while, and he knew that it wasn’t just going to go away, unless he waited for EJ to go off to college and their relationship to fizzle out, but that was the last thing he wanted, and yet it was hard to actually start a conversation without completely steering away from the important topic, out of fear of getting hurt.

There had been another Yoga session scheduled between breakfast and the first rehearsal of the day, which was the _Be Our Guest_ scene. One that EJ wasn’t involved in. Part of Ricky was glad about that, simply because he wasn’t quite sure how to approach the other boy. They’ve definitely had their fights before, but usually those ended in loud arguments with one of them storming off and the other eventually following, before they made up. This time, however, it felt like there was something standing between them that wasn’t so easily removed, and Ricky was not above admitting that it actually terrified him.

Once rehearsal was done, Ricky was left in a corner of the studio, going over his notes and trying to somehow work on what he considered to be a really terrible French accent, while Miss Jenn was working with Gina and EJ on their dancing scene. Neither of them seemed to really be good at it, but then Ricky wasn’t one to judge. The only reason he really knew the basics of a waltz was because his mother had insisted on teaching him the year before she had gone off to Chicago, and sometimes he wondered if she had already known that she wasn’t going to return.

He still wasn’t a great dancer, but he could do a decent waltz, as opposed to EJ and Gina, who were trying desperately not to step on each other’s toes, though it did look like they were at least having fun, laughing as Miss Jenn tried to teach them how to move around the dance floor.

“Jealous?” Carlos voice pulled him from his thoughts and Ricky turned his head to notice that the other boy had settled down beside him, glancing back and forth between him and their friends.

“What? No.” He then quickly replied, shaking his head as he looked down at his notes.

“Because you’ve been staring for a good five minutes, and the look on your face makes it seem like someone’s been standing on _your_ toes the entire time,”

“I’m good. Just...working on the French accent. It’s harder than it sounds.” He really wasn’t in the mood to talk about his feelings, especially since he had no idea where to even start. Things had gotten easier over time, especially since the break up with Nini, but that didn’t mean that he suddenly had all the answers, or was ready to approach other people to openly talk about what was going on inside his head. Especially since he was very good at avoiding his own feelings.

“Sure, keep telling yourself that, _mon ami_ ,” Carlos eventually returned, reaching out to rest a hand on the other boy’s shoulder for a moment. “If you want to talk about your _French accent_ though, you’ll know where to find me.”

Ricky momentarily wondered if it would have been easier to talk to Carlos, because they had less history than most people here. They got along well, and Carlos at least knew something about being in a relationship with another boy, but he was also someone who wore his heart on his sleeve, and probably couldn’t really help Ricky other than telling him that he should be talking to EJ, which would have brought him right back to the start of his problems.

Letting his head drop back against the wall once Carlos had made his way across the room, Ricky huffed out a sigh. He had actually been looking forward to this weekend, and now he somehow wished he had never auditioned for the Spring Musical in the first place.

-

By the time lunch rolled around, Ricky was in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich, even though he wasn’t particularly hungry. Still he had seen the schedule Miss Jenn had come up with, and with all the rehearsals crammed in, there wouldn’t be a break until later tonight. Part of him understood that she was trying to make good while they could, considering their rehearsal space at school was less than ideal, but it was a sharp contrast to the rehearsals they’ve had for High School Musical, and he had been the lead role there.

Then again, he could have probably done with some more practice back then, and maybe it wouldn’t have thrown him off so much seeing his mother bring her new boyfriend along. He had turned out to be a nice guy though, and him and his Mom had promised to come visit for the musical this spring, which would hopefully pass with less drama this time around.

It was wild, how much had changed in a year, really. This time last year he had still been with Nini, his Mom had just gone off to Chicago to work her new job, he had been pretending to dislike musicals when he really just hadn’t spent enough time on the subject, and him and EJ had barely acknowledged each other’s existence.

Finishing putting together his sandwich, Ricky felt an arm wrap around his waist all of a sudden, and then a familiar warmth seeping through his clothes as he was pulled just a little closer against EJ’s chest.

“Hey,” The other boy murmured, and Ricky shivered just a little at the soft tone in his voice, as he leaned into the embrace. “I don’t like fighting,”

“Are we fighting?” Ricky asked automatically, though he knew the answer to that question, of course. It was more like they were avoiding a certain conversation, which was slowly but surely steering them towards a fight, or at the very least something similar that could potentially be the end of their relationship.

“Wanna go for a walk?” They had about an hour before rehearsals would start up again, so Ricky nodded as he took a bite of his sandwich, leaving the rest of it on the plate while they both went to grab their jackets. He could feel his chest tightening just a little at the loss of warmth and contact, and it wasn’t something he had ever really experienced, not to this degree anyway. Sure, breaking up with Nini had been bad, but in retrospect it had been more his fear of losing his best friend that had messed with his head than anything else, and this time around he felt like it was going to be ten times worse.

Knowing that EJ had made the first move after last night, Ricky swallowed around the lump in his throat and quietly slipped his hand into the other’s as they walked down the path. The cool air helped to clear his head, but it did little to loosen the tightness that still had a firm grip around his chest.

They walked in silence for a little bit then, until they eventually reached the lake. It wasn’t cold enough to have frozen over, but he could imagine coming here during winter break, just enjoying walks out in the snow before curling up in front of the fireplace. This whole place was quite peaceful actually, as opposed to whatever was going on inside of Ricky’s head.

“Are you listening to me?” EJ’s voice pulled him from his thoughts, and wow, Ricky really needed to get out of his head.

“Yeah. Sorry. I was just...” He trailed off with a sigh, using his free hand to run it through his hair, messing it up in the process. He found himself, once again, tongue tied with no idea how to start this conversation. Part of him wished that they could go back to being as lighthearted as they had been during the beginning of their relationship, stealing kisses between classes and spending hours sitting on Ricky’s front porch in the freezing cold, talking about everything and nothing, but he had realized that things just weren’t that easy.

“Look, I know we’re not good at talking about feelings and all that stuff,” EJ sighed as he turned to face the other boy, reaching for Ricky’s other hand, too. “And I seriously considered singing about it, but the last time I wrote a song, things went horribly wrong, and I don’t want that for us,”

“So...this means something to you?” The question sounded incredibly stupid now that he’d said it out loud, but Ricky really couldn’t help himself. Meanwhile EJ’s expression had changed into a frown, and Ricky half expected him to pull his hands back.

“Do you think it doesn’t?” It felt like they had taken a wrong turn in their relationship at some point, and yet Ricky couldn’t put his finger on when it had happened.

“No. That’s not what I mean. I just...neither of us really...” _Said I love you._ He finished the sentence in his head, but the lump in his throat had gotten so big that it was hard to even form words that didn’t make him feel like he was about to throw up.

“Neither of us really...what?” EJ asked in return, his eyes searching Ricky’s for an answer, but it was hard to actually look at him. In fact, Ricky was fighting the urge to pull his hands back and turn away, because he knew if he did that, he’d be walking away, not only from the conversation, but potentially also from this relationship. “Ricky? You’re gonna have to talk to me or else it’s just going to be the two of us...flailing about or whatever. I’m going to college in like...four months and if we can’t be honest with each other....”

“That’s the problem!” He exclaimed with a frustrated sigh, now pulling his hands back and instantly feeling the loss of warmth, quickly crossing his arms in front of his chest to make up for it.

_Fuck._

“Me going off to college or that we can’t be honest with each other?”

_Both._ Ricky wanted to say, but once again his throat was closing up and he swallowed, trying to ignore the way his eyes were starting to burn. Crying really was the last thing he needed right now, but it felt like everything that had been building up over the last couple of weeks was now threatening to crash down onto him with such force that it was hard to remember which was way up and which was down.

“I just...” He began again, but the sound of EJ’s phone ringing cut him off, causing Ricky to almost yell out in frustration. Was the whole world against them? He briefly remembered having that same though before, but they had somehow managed to navigate around it eventually, finding each other in the chaos that was their lives, but all of that seemed twice as hard these days.

“Sorry. It’s Miss Jenn.” EJ frowned once more as he took the call, though he kept his eyes on Ricky. “Yeah? Now? I thought I wasn’t up until later this afternoon? Right. I’ll be there in a moment.” With a sigh he hung up the phone then, shaking his head. “Miss Jenn wants to rehearse the quick change from Beast to Prince,” He then added, trying to meet Ricky’s eyes once more. The other boy had turned his attention towards the lake though, still fighting the tears that were threatening to fall. “But...maybe we can talk later?”

It really didn’t seem like they were supposed to. Maybe they had picked the wrong place and time to have life changing conversations about their future and their relationship, but it also didn’t feel like the right conversation to have at their lockers, between first and second period.

“Right.” EJ muttered as he let his phone slip into his pocket, before turning to head back up towards the house, leaving Ricky to stare at the lake, his view blurry as it was obscured by tears.


End file.
